Rebecca A. Kanis Captain, U.S. Army (1991-2000)

I was investigated for being a lesbian while I was at West Point in 1989, before the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I lied to the investigators and was allowed to continue at the academy. I didn't believe I had other options and the possibility of returning to my family in Kansas as a "disgraced" lesbian was unthinkable. In a crisis at 19 years old, I chose to lie to keep an opportunity open to me, instead of losing it all for the truth. I would choose differently today, but no one should be put in that situation.

I graduated from West Point in June 1991. I served more than nine years in the Signal Corps, and when I resigned my commission, I was a captain. I had two line company commands, both in Special Operations units. My bosses identified me as "the best staff officer in the battalion" and "best company commander in the brigade." More importantly, I earned the trust and respect of most the soldiers I led.

My last day in the Army was Oct. 10, 2000, a day before National Coming Out Day. As a matter of conscience, I resigned my commission because of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Two factors contributed to my decision. First, I was deeply in love with someone, and I decided not to put my career before my relationship. I would have made the same decision if I were heterosexual, but I wouldn't have had to make that choice. Other than long deployments and the occasional unaccompanied tour, married life in the military is at least possible for heterosexual service members.

Second, this was not too long after Pvt. Barry Winchell was murdered for being gay at Fort Campbell. I believed that, by "serving in silence," I was contributing to the environment that made such tragedies possible. There were very few gay men or women in the service at that time who were courageous enough to speak out against the widespread homophobia. I decided to resign my commission and tell as many people as possible that they had served with a lesbian. My hope was that some of the people with whom I had worked throughout the past nine years would be forced to reconsider their own homophobia.

Reclaiming my integrity and following my heart were the first steps on a long journey to self-discovery, but incredibly empowering. I salute all the couples who are so courageously professing their love for one another today at The Wedding Party. By speaking your truth and sharing your love, you are changing the world for the better.